Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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