Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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