perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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