you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
