Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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