my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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