my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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