dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
