So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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