wanna go halves on a baby?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
