I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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