Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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