Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
