You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
