Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
if only i could text you this smell
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
