All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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