Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
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