I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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