If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
