Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Randomize
