so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
