no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
