I got chris browned last night
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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