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im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
