YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
