when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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