he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
