Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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