my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
