chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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