You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
