Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
