Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
