1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
