Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
