the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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