Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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