you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
