I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
