just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
