Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
