She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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