I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
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