Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Rumble strips road head = magical
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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