I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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