I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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