I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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