Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
