Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
