walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
