i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You need a sexual gate keeper
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
