How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Randomize
