I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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