Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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