Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
