I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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